he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
