He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
