I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need help removing her.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize