we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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