I puked a lego.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
