Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I know her cup size but not her name....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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