He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize