My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize