Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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