I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
