i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize