There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize