I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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