i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
