so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
