Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
