all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
