so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
