Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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