bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
