the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
