??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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