I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
