Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
