drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
