Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
