Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
