my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
