It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
