Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
