I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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