i can't believe i had my finger in that
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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