We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
