You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
