you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
