Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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