I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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