You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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