I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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