Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Text me some of your sweat
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
