used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
