absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
