I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
God I need to hump something, right now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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