I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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