Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
