Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
50% drunk capacity currently
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
