If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
