I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
