first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
