She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize