so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
