i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
