420 ftw
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
