I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
