My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
