he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
