I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
