Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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