I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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