My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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