I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
