I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
