He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Randomize
