he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
