Plan B is the new Plan A
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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