Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
