I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
