Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
