hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
