I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
