margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
