# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
